The heat sizzles here at Hightrollop. There isn't a breath of air that isn't saturated with moisture. That's why the whole villiage is out gardening, mowing and trimming, they all want to go to hospital for an aircondition rest. The worst offender is Murtle Coggs, that emaciated mother of seven. She's welding a weedeater with the virtuosity of Sir Hugh Huntley, conductor of the New Hightrollop Symphony. Oh heavens, here she comes down the street, throwing that monster on every tree in her path.
I folded my umbrella and rushed inside. The woman has an unholy gleam in her eyes, and I know that dust and dirt flew toward me like an arrow to a bullseye. As writer in residence, of the county, I am treated with reverence and loathing depending on the circumstances. I suspect today it's the latter. Our little Maple-Leaf Lane residents are determined to win Hightrollop's garden award for most beautified street. Even if we were beatified by the Pope, I doubt the gold medal would meander to this side of town. You see, we're considered the low side of Hightrollop. At one time our two little lanes were called Lowtrollop.
The Bishop disaprroved, so it's only whispered with gossip, as demeaning the person in question. I mention this only in passing as I'm been painted by certain women as a Lowtrollop. I smoke. I dance. I have had sex. I have never been married. To top it all off, my yard is filled with tacky yard art and wild flowers. It's only when some stranger comes to town that they all gush, oh we have a world famous writer living in Hightrollop.
I must stop. I'm going to the Vicar's for tea. Those royalty checks are ever soooo slow.